Channel 4 has to champion youth and diversity. You can't do that here

Ikra Idrees at the Eid Mela in Birmingham
Ikra Idrees at the Eid Mela in Birmingham

Only Birmingham is the youngest and one of the most diverse cities in Europe.

More than 40 per cent of Brummies are 25 and under. It is also the most ethnically and culturally diverse city in the UK, with a population made up of over 187 different nationalities.

The future of the UK is here.

That's fine, but nobody wants to live in Birmingham

Birmingham is one of the most in-demand places to live in the country
Birmingham is one of the most in-demand places to live in the country

Of course they don't. Who wants to live somewhere where you can afford to buy a home?

Although the people who measure it say the quality of life in Birmingham is better than major global cities such as Rome, Los Angeles and Dubai.

Birmingham is the highest-ranked English city aside from London in the 2017 Quality of Living Index which is published by financial services firm Mercer.

We don't have the skills

University of Birmingham
University of Birmingham

Just the 13 universities and dozens of colleges spilling out tens of thousands of students every year.

The region boasts three of the top 20 UK universities, including those top-ranked for film production, creative writing, dance and drama.

But business doesn't want to be in the West Midlands

HSBC UK is moving to Birmingham from London

Well of course not.

Although... More than 22,000 businesses were created in the West Midlands in 2016 - which was DOUBLE the UK growth rate.

And there was the small issue of Birmingham being named the most investable city in the UK.

The BBC moved some stuff to Greater Manchester, that's enough

MediaCityUK in Salford
MediaCityUK in Salford

Yes, that'll do it.

Only, just the small issue of two-thirds of the UK's entire TV production budget still being spent in a single city.

A survey of TV producers by Pact, the trade association that represents TV and film production companies, found that of the £2bn budget for UK productions in 2016 just 32 per cent was spent outside London.

One per cent was spent in the Midlands - an area of about 10 million people.

Nobody really cares where Channel 4 is

A graph from the government consultation into relocating Channel 4
A graph from the government consultation into relocating Channel 4

Yes, you can totally handle the UK regions from London.

The Government did hold a consultation in which more than three quarters of respondents strongly agreed that Channel 4's regional output would be better if it moved out of the capital.

But Birmingham can't make good telly

A Spitting Image puppet of Margaret Thatcher
A Spitting Image puppet of Margaret Thatcher

Certainly not much television is made here any more.

But when it was, we made one or two decent things. Like Top Gear, Spitting Image, Telly Addicts, 2point4 Children, May to December, Don't Wait Up, Going for a Song, Call My Bluff, Eat your Words, Date with Fate, Blizzards Toys, Can't Cook Won't Cook, The Basil Brush Show, The Clothes Show, Gardeners World, Countryfile, Pot Black, Poldark, Dalziel and Pascoe, Vanity Fair and a few others.

We deserve to be punished for Crossroads

Mrs Witton (Jo Richardson), Sam ‘Carney’ Carne (Jack Woolgar) and Scottish cook Shughie McPhee (Angus Lennie)

Okay, we hold our hands up for this.

Typical Birmingham. Living in the past...

BBC Three jobs are headed to The Mailbox
BBC Three jobs are headed to The Mailbox

Well, yes, although BBC Three’s moved all of its commissioning, digital and social media to Birmingham this year.

The experts say it has to be in London

Nobody could disagree with that.

Although...

The head of Creative England, Caroline Norbury, did say: "I find this idea that talent is just in working in London frankly insulting to the 58 million British people who don’t live there.

“The bigger national conversation is around more inclusive growth and popping the Westminster bubble that we see reflected in our media.

Yes, but it is about culture

The 400th anniversary of William Shakespeare's death will be marked in 2016.
The 400th anniversary of William Shakespeare's death will be marked in 2016.

Well, yes. And the West Midlands has never been too hot on that.

Sure, heavy metal was born in Birmingham and Shakespeare, Tolkein and WH Auden were from here but so what?